Arabian Adventure - Day Eight

Well, it's with mixed feelings I write today. Sad to be leaving the sun and sea but will be relieved to get home and get settled before the rigours of work. Am now on book five or six - I've lost count, I have a vague tan and a vaguely straighter back!!! 

I've managed a few hours by the pool before check out and as always the staff have been lovely, seems odd looking around in the sun and warmth to watch them slowly putting up the Chrimbo Decs!!!    I'm all checked our now, Bill paid and just waiting for my taxi to the airport. Have jeans and a jumper to change into on the plane and a few more books to read. What I don't have is a print out of my boarding pass and they don't take mobile copies in Sharm so am seriously hoping some nice trolley dolly will take pity on my and print me one at the Terminal!!!

Best wrap up as my lift should be here soon -Gatwich here I come and then some beauty sleep before tomorrow's infamous Ilford Park Christmas Party and too many verses of Sto Lat!!!

See you all too soon xx

PS sorry the pictures a bit grumpy but it reflects the usual mood of the Author!!

Day Eight continues!!!!! Managed to get to the airport, may well have paid twice for the hotel will have to await the credit card bill. Check in went smoothly and lack of a boarding card seem no real issue. Managed to have burger and a beer in Ye Goode Olde English Pub - probably will give me food poisoning but never mind. Mooches round duty free and whiled away the hours before take off, boarded the plane got my seat no dramas. Sadly we were put on standby on the runway and when given the all clear to move the charming chap who was meant to remove some kind of safety pin didn't as he'd bogged off, consequently we've damaged the nose cone and have had to be towed back awaiting further inspection of the plane. We're now awaiting an engineer from Egypt Air who is due in 10 mins (that's an Arabic 10 minutes......... It's already 35 mins past take off time), perhaps Sto Lat may have to wait another year............TBC XX

Finally after a two hour delay partly waiting for a form to be signed before the Tower would clear us for take off (!!!!) we arrived home two hours late and after all the queues at passport control got back to Guildford at 1am, only 5 hrs until the alarm goes off - JOY!!!! Xx

Arabian Adventure - Day Seven

Well my last full day and no need to rush as no more Thai brutilisation today!!!! A leisurely brekkie and then I nipped down to the beach. The beach is "Compact and Bijou", imagine your back garden covered in sand and shoe horned into it a seething mass of suntanned Russians and you pretty much get the picture.

Walking out onto the floating jetty was an experience though!!! I was like a drunk on St Paddys day weaving my way along the blue plastic sections completely out of sink with the rolling tide and wishing I had my diving boots with me for grip. Sadly I forgot to pack my snorkelnd mask and so although there is still a little reef there and a wray of beautiful fish including parrot fish, wrasse and angel fish from what I saw, the view was limited, especially when I remembered the last time I tried tried swimm underwater and look out with my contact I lost one of them - unceremoniously swept out to sea. After a short sojourn I therefore decided I was best off on my cozy little sun lounger with my kindle my the grown ups pool!!!

An afternoon of reading and sun baking followed!! All day I'd been umming and arrhing about the "Cocktail Party" and whether I would go but decided I should grow a back bone and left for a shower at 4pm, got myself all spruced up and partified in my LBD and heels and then decided I couldn't face being a Norman no mates in public and chucked the dress and shoes back in the suitcase, shoved on the trusty shorts and T shirt and ordered room service - cowardly I know but easier than making polite conversation with a bunch of strangers who in the main speak a language that at best I barely understand!!

Film and a couple of beers later and ready for sleep. Night All xx

Arabian Adventure - Day Six

Topped off last nights dinner with a beer back in my room, probably wanting to pay for the minibar out of guilt for not being charged for a beer in the restaurant - I think they forgot I'm only Half board as most of the guests here are All Inclusive. Actually I'm glad not to be as I can't handle drinking around the pool in the afternoons - water is enough for me!! Couldn't sleep well so ended up watching dodgy movies from about 2am, only drifting off to sleep as my alarm went off - typical!

After my usual breakfast I had my last Thai Massage, after a tiny bit more back cracking I now at least feel both legs are back to being the same length, I can move my neck more freely and I can lie flat for longer on the sun lounger without fidgeting but still needing the old Brufen on a daily basis. Strange however that all the main knots seem to be centred around my right shoulder when it's always my left neck and shoulder that crunch, grind and cause me the most discomfort! 

Another long and hard day was spent by the Chillax pool, with book number four - I'm now reading Jamaica Inn, which looks to be another riveting read.

Today's towel sculpture really in the piece de resistance, Captain Hook should quake in his boots when he sees the crocodile that's sitting on my bed, although it seems to have been easily disarmed by a TV remote making it less than fierce and it seems to suffer from the same visual affliction as yesterday's Peacock!!!

Am chilling out re watching the hunger games and mulling over the choices for tonight's dinner and whether or not I can motivate myself to attend the Q & A cocktail event the management have cordially invited me to tomorrow, I suspect not as my cocktail attire is rather limited and my joy at attending these events solo is round about zero, but tomorrow is another day and who knows I may have grown a pair by then!!!

Arabian Adventure - Day Five

It was full saddo in the end last night as I went for a room service cheeseburger and fries with Egyptian Stella to wash it down, no salt on the chips which was great but sadly no mayo to dunk them in either!! Rounded off the evening with some M&Ms and a bounty bar - yes the diet is going really well Ta!! On the plus side I only eat two meals a day (the freebie ones), on the minus side I haven't gotten around to any exercise yet. Now before this starts to sound like a Bridget Jones novel.......

I am getting used to chicken sausages and boiled egg for breakfast now (Oh God perhaps I am in a Bridget Jones novel, after all I have the large pants to prove it!), Today it was washed down sadly with instant coffee rather than filter but still strong enough to wake me up. After a leisurely solo meal I sauntered (had my lenses in today so no tripping over the steps on the way!!) over to the spa and had a quick steam before Joy called me in for session two of my Thai massage. I now have a collection if small bruises on the flabby bingo wings and lower legs and also definitely have one leg longer than the other!!! She did however manage to get my lower back to crack a little giving momentarily relief to the tension there. 

Cunningly I put my sunscreen on before breakfast today so I headed straight to the Chillax pool - strictly no sprogs allowed - and had a quick dip in the icy cold waters before lounging down with a book for the afternoon. I would say I could get used to this but actually it kills my lower back lying around all day and the only thing stopping me getting up and wandering off somewhere is the thought of doing yet another tour on my own!!

As usual the clouds set in at about 3:30pm and I headed back to my room to rest after another hectic day!!!! Today's towel sculpture was a beautiful but short-sighted Peacock and today a beautiful display of cut fruit - thank goodness the evil bananas are now gone from my room before they start to smell!!! I managed to finish off another book over dinner - Dominion, quite a thrilling book but very political especially the post story opinions upon Scottish Nationalism and the upcoming vote of Independence. My other favourite past time during breakfast and dinner is people watching. At least 3/4 of the guests are Eastern European, with very skinny glam women and as I have said previously bald, chubby over tanned men. The kids are in the main very well behaved and quite cute, but it shocks me to see SO many school aged kids on holiday at this time of the year, unless the old Eastern block have especially long holidays at this time of year.

Not at lot else to report really, I usually get Holiday Blues post holiday not during but maybe all the reading about. Churchill's "Black Dog" has taken its toll or maybe I just know work will be way too full on to have time to mourn for the loss of the sun when I get back. night night xx

Arabian Adventure - Day Four

Well the trip is now half way through and I'm already running out of ideas!!! I had a lovely Mojito last night at the bar whilst browsing Facebook and then was struck by memories of the last time I drank anything with ice cubes in in Egypt which necessitated a missed trip to Abu Simbel and a day in the Head!!!!! Fortunately the Alcohol and a hardier constitution seems to have saved me from that fate.

I slept well after watching some dodgy film on the television and woke up early for a change!!! I dosed and caught up on the news - all gloomy as always. Headed for a late breakfast before my first Thai Massage session. The condemned woman ate a hearty breakfast but not too hearty just in case!!!

I arrived slightly early and pre-steamed before "Joy" called me in for my massage. The brightly floured mattress on the floor was the wrestling match for the mornings entertainment. She got stuck in pummelling and pulling away at my tension filled limbs, clicking all the joints in my fingers (never been a big fan of that cracking noise I must say) and using her feet to great advantage when stretching out my Quads. 

However she did managed to reduce the knots in my shoulders from megaliths down to large boulder sized portions!!! My lower back still feels permanently twisted to the right but let's see if tomorrow's session can unlock some more of that tort muscle - nicely in time for me to go back to work and knot it all back in again!!!!

The rest of the day has been spent merrily whiling away my time on a sun lounger with the trusty pink kindle, failing to change colour and looking in envy at the lithe bronzed East European women with their rotund boyfriends (must have lovely personalities or wallets as large as their gut overhang!!!). 

The towel sculpture of the day is mad looking bunny and yet more cakes have been left on my table - tried some last night and succeeded in dying my thumb crimson in the process!!! The question now is what and where to have dinner? Can I face another sad and lonely night in the main buffet restaurant with the waiters offering to have dinner with me or shall I go full saddo and order room service, decisions, decisions. Answers on a postcard please!!

Arabian Adventure - Day Three

I had an "early" healthy brekkie this morning (Plain Yoghurt and Grapefruit)  - managed to get out and back before the cleaner came!! Had a wonder around the resort as I was too early for the Spa - what bimbo decided wondering around without glasses on was a good idea???? Nearly fell down a marble staircase in the Lobby as I had failed to see the first step!!!

Managed, only just, to make it to the Spa in one piece. After a short wait I was introduced to my Therapist Saffa and taken through to the ladies locker room to strip down to my bikini. Happily the room lacks mirrors. I was then deposited into the Steam room. I was alone in a great big blue mosaic tiled room, sat on a stone bench along the back wall, however, it eventually became so steamy in there and with my poor eyesight a herd of Elephants could  have joined me and I wouldn't have noticed!! Five minutes of steaming and I was collected and deposited into the shower before being taken to the Sauna. Having gently steamed, I was then poached some more before another quick shower.

Saffa then took me back to the steam room and I was instructed to lie down on the central a tone slab. I felt a little like Aslan being laid down on the Stone table but proceeded to be loofahed and buffed instead tied up, shawn and stabbed!!! It's quite bizarre to be scrubbed by someone else, including your armpits.

Then followed the bubble bath without the water. The therapist dipped a slim pillowcase in soapy water spun it to fill it with air and then squeezed bubbles out of it, to wash and massage me with. Sharpe then covered me in bubbles and left me to soften up for five minutes with the steam back on. It reminded me of spa trip with my cousin Emma a few years ago but this time a complete stranger lathered me up and I had to wear a bikini rather than those gorgeous paper knickers you get in British Spas!! Fully softened I was Walked back to the shower to wash off the bubbles - I couldn't see past the bubbles on my torso to find my flip flops and must have looked like the marshmallow monster at end of ghostbusters!!!

Next I was lead to a room to have "salt" rubbed in, it smelt like hot buttered toast with a coconut topping. A refreshingly cool mud mask was painted (literally with what felt like a pastry brush!!) on my face. Then just when I couldn't have felt more salted and basted than a loin of pork, I was wrapped in bacofoil (plastic version) and cocooned in a warm towel to stew in my own juices!!!

After 10 mins of marinating, I was released from my glad wrap for yet another shower, I realised then the white salty stuff was only for my hands and feet and the rest of me was covered in cocoa bean shells, not the best mix with a brown and cream bikini which is now somewhat more, brown and brown!! After showering off the residue from my skin and my bikini bottoms we moved to another room for my sports massage. 45mins of stretching and pummelling followed, I thought my shoulders would dislocate at one point but the left one "popped" nicely! The rest of my body was then slapped into submission.

A short but very relaxing Indian head and face massage later and I was virtually comatosed!! A glass of ice cold water and a green tea later and now I'm ready to face the world ..... Well the sun lounger and pool at any rate!!! I now have Thai massage treatments booked for next three days so no one is getting Chrimble pressies this year as I'm bankrupt!!!

It's been an overcast but warm day today, so u spent the rest of the afternoon chilling out by the pool. Despite lathering myself in suntan lotion I can still smell the faint whiff of buttered toast and it's making me hungry. I may have to eat a more substantial dinner this evening or succumb to today delicacies left on my table, having polished off the cheese and biscuits and some of the fruit that was waiting for me on arrival - strangely though the bananas remain untouched and indeed may yet end up outside somewhere for the ants and lizards!!

Arabian Adventures -Day Two

So why is it SO had to get up in the mornings when you're on holiday? Have had to send the cleaner away whilst I try to get my lard arse into gear, blues skies are all I see from the window so time to shower and brave the breakfast buffet me thinks. 

Very decadent day spent lounging around by the pool, managed to read an entire book in one sitting!!! Have had a wonder around and booked myself in for some hard core massage tomorrow - hopefully someone might finally get rid of that massive Buntline Hitch in my left shoulder!!! Even had a quick trip on the little fununcular rail that lazy people to to and for the beach - you'll be impressed to know that I caught one down to the beach but walked all the way back up the steps!!!

Returned to my room to find my bed has been beautifully decorated, the towel swan sure beats the real one that chased me half way down Exeter canal last year!! Am now trying to sort out some printing as bimbo me hasn't got a hard copy of her itinery and I can't get into Sharm airport without one apparently - am sure they have a need for resort GPs here but I might find it a bit dull, although I could probably live with the guy in the resort shop who has offered to send Rog 5 camels as payment for me - I won't tell Roger as he'd probably take him up on the offer - camels are far less argumentative and no doubt snore less!!!

As I'm still waiting to see if anyone can print out my itinery it strikes me that I am an extraordinarily daft bird, emailing your itinery to someone is probably not the safest thing in the world to do - suspect there is an online course for it that I have failed to complete in the e learning for health repertoire!!! Oh well too late now really, can see anyone trying to catch the flight pretending to be me, although they do have a photocopy of my passport too........... On well it's warm here at any rate so at least I wouldn't freeze to death sleeping on the beaches!!! Better go check out if they've managed to print the stuff for me and then think about dinner and perhaps a movie by the pool???