I had an "early" healthy brekkie this morning (Plain Yoghurt and Grapefruit) - managed to get out and back before the cleaner came!! Had a wonder around the resort as I was too early for the Spa - what bimbo decided wondering around without glasses on was a good idea???? Nearly fell down a marble staircase in the Lobby as I had failed to see the first step!!!
Managed, only just, to make it to the Spa in one piece. After a short wait I was introduced to my Therapist Saffa and taken through to the ladies locker room to strip down to my bikini. Happily the room lacks mirrors. I was then deposited into the Steam room. I was alone in a great big blue mosaic tiled room, sat on a stone bench along the back wall, however, it eventually became so steamy in there and with my poor eyesight a herd of Elephants could have joined me and I wouldn't have noticed!! Five minutes of steaming and I was collected and deposited into the shower before being taken to the Sauna. Having gently steamed, I was then poached some more before another quick shower.
Saffa then took me back to the steam room and I was instructed to lie down on the central a tone slab. I felt a little like Aslan being laid down on the Stone table but proceeded to be loofahed and buffed instead tied up, shawn and stabbed!!! It's quite bizarre to be scrubbed by someone else, including your armpits.
Then followed the bubble bath without the water. The therapist dipped a slim pillowcase in soapy water spun it to fill it with air and then squeezed bubbles out of it, to wash and massage me with. Sharpe then covered me in bubbles and left me to soften up for five minutes with the steam back on. It reminded me of spa trip with my cousin Emma a few years ago but this time a complete stranger lathered me up and I had to wear a bikini rather than those gorgeous paper knickers you get in British Spas!! Fully softened I was Walked back to the shower to wash off the bubbles - I couldn't see past the bubbles on my torso to find my flip flops and must have looked like the marshmallow monster at end of ghostbusters!!!
Next I was lead to a room to have "salt" rubbed in, it smelt like hot buttered toast with a coconut topping. A refreshingly cool mud mask was painted (literally with what felt like a pastry brush!!) on my face. Then just when I couldn't have felt more salted and basted than a loin of pork, I was wrapped in bacofoil (plastic version) and cocooned in a warm towel to stew in my own juices!!!
After 10 mins of marinating, I was released from my glad wrap for yet another shower, I realised then the white salty stuff was only for my hands and feet and the rest of me was covered in cocoa bean shells, not the best mix with a brown and cream bikini which is now somewhat more, brown and brown!! After showering off the residue from my skin and my bikini bottoms we moved to another room for my sports massage. 45mins of stretching and pummelling followed, I thought my shoulders would dislocate at one point but the left one "popped" nicely! The rest of my body was then slapped into submission.
A short but very relaxing Indian head and face massage later and I was virtually comatosed!! A glass of ice cold water and a green tea later and now I'm ready to face the world ..... Well the sun lounger and pool at any rate!!! I now have Thai massage treatments booked for next three days so no one is getting Chrimble pressies this year as I'm bankrupt!!!
It's been an overcast but warm day today, so u spent the rest of the afternoon chilling out by the pool. Despite lathering myself in suntan lotion I can still smell the faint whiff of buttered toast and it's making me hungry. I may have to eat a more substantial dinner this evening or succumb to today delicacies left on my table, having polished off the cheese and biscuits and some of the fruit that was waiting for me on arrival - strangely though the bananas remain untouched and indeed may yet end up outside somewhere for the ants and lizards!!
